the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along
WHOEVER BUYS THIS FOR ME WINS MY ETERNAL LOVE
I OWN THIS
EVERY MORNING HE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HOW THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AND WHEN YOU PRESS THE BUTTON TO HUSH HIM HE SAYS “DEFTLY DONE, MADAM,” OR “IF IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD OF ME, THAT DID TICKLE, MADAM”
IT WAKES YOU UP WITH THE SOUND OF CHIRPING BIRDS BEFORE STEPHEN FRY’S VOICE
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE
THIS IS LIKE JARVIS.
A REAL JARVIS EXCEPT HE’S A CLOCK.
The people who come running to hug you after you haven’t seen them in awhile are my favorite type of people.
if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
tbh i just need a hug
*cringes at 9 year old me*
*cringes at 13 year old me*
*cringes at year ago me*
*cringes at day ago me*
*cringes at future me*
dogs deserve to live forever
im only 17 and ive already had like 3 mid-life crises
wanna know what a cow looks like washed and blow dried?
that is what a cow looks like washed and blow dried
FLUFFY MILK HORSE
don’t date anyone who isn’t proud of you